Confessions of The Black Lover Boy: Ola

I think it was your voice first. It kind of slid out of your mouth and flew into my ear. I first saw you in Space Jam and thought there was literally no one else for me. You were good at basketball, really pretty, and said cool things. Naturally me and you were a thing in my mind from the moment you came on screen. At first I was confused if it was wrong to be attracted to a bunny. Then after accepting that you were a special kind of bunny, I had to come to terms with you being a cartoon. I had no idea why I fell so hard for you, but after watching Space Jam, I felt I was stuck in my reality trying to reach yours. You were definitely one of my first loves. I think I wouldn’t really know what butterflies were without you. Of course the ones outside I would have encountered, but the internal flying feeling you gave me from just seeing you was a template for all loves after you. I dreamt of being a cartoon countless times, but in those dreams I search for you and never seem to find you. I guess it makes sense. Maybe if I am to turn into a cartoon, even in my dreams you would still be on the other side of the screen. Maybe what I feel for you is supposed to stay worlds apart. After loving you, I felt I understood forbidden love. I knew Romeo and Juliet, but I feel the truest story of my love for you is real forbidding. Universal forbidding. Sure your parents can say you can’t be together and you go sneak down the block and do it anyway. What happens to the kid who falls for a character? A figment of another’s imagination. Am I in love with the creator? Or maybe just their thoughts, or their mind. Either way, I am thankful for the creation. My attraction to you was so early in my experience that it was not sexual. Or at least it wasn’t to my knowledge. I just longed to be around you. Like I’d imagine a teenage girl wants to be around her boy band crush. I just wanted to feel your presence. I wanted to hear your voice in person. I wanted your vibration to vibe through me. Maybe that is sexual.

You are the first time I ever felt my heart throb, and I could never forget you, or that feeling.

I love you.