Inevitable

Creatively, I just want to let my mind breathe. Allow my thoughts to flow from my hand to the paper.

I feel at times I create tracks and have the pressure of the entire world on my mind. I want so bad for my music to be good. I want it so bad that sometimes I freeze. I become still because of this paralyzing fear of never being good enough. I think that is all artists biggest fear. Never being good enough. Never being recognized. Going through their entire experience to be nothing more than what they are. I don’t necessary feel that all artist have some sense of self inadequacy, but I do feel that we all strive for this version of success we may have seen others achieve. I do feel that whatever, and whoever we see outside of us are just manifestations of another story. Life lived on the other side of the grass. The crazy thing about success and becoming your best is you have no idea what it looks like. You have no idea what will manifest. What will become. You just continue to fall in love with some process. With the day in and day out. Because in reality, that is where life is. Yes, we all have the potential to reach the stars, but once you reach them, life goes on. There is still the next day. If you work yourself during your life just for the peaks of success, the process may become painful. Sometimes I want so bad to be sharing my music with the world. To see others interact and enjoy my music as much as I have so far. Maybe I am trying to take too much control of others reaction to my art. Maybe I just really believe in what I create. One thing is for certain, I have been feeling stuck with my music. Stuck in a very uncomfortable way. I feel like I start projects, but the confidence that I usually have to share my work is muted. I hear beats I have assembled and they don’t entertain my ear the way I want them to. Of course I shouldn’t expect perfection in a creative process, but I do expect inspiration. I think I have been looking for others to start creating my beats because I feel I have spent so much of my time piecing together sounds. Putting together pieces to a puzzle with pieces from different puzzles. I am at the point in my career where my art must tell a story. Each song must have a message. I am confident in my lyrics. I am confident in my ability to create the music with my voice. But in all honesty, I want beats that will tell the story with me. As I gather more knowledge on music and how to properly create it, I feel I will be able to tell my story easier. From not only my lyrics, but my ability to create sounds that match the mood of my words. I believe everything you want to do, everything you want to be good at, you have to be willing to learn. You have to learn the basics. Then you have to learn your style. Then you have to sharpen your style. It is not about perfecting it. It is about continuously watching it grow. Watching it evolve. Into nothing, into everything. Into itself. Maybe that is the story of all artists. Falling in love with some process. Some craft. You are plagued with thoughts of how to make it better. Make it more acceptable for others. More acceptable to yourself. All the while, you just have to let go and be satisfied with what you’ve done and create the next. It is scary to come to terms with where you are when your mind is somewhere else. Once you really understand where you are, and you agree with yourself on where you are going, a path starts to become visible. The possible path between your present and your desired present starts to become clear. You just have to take every moment you have and cherish it, and eventually you will find yourself in your desired present moment. Just keep it in your vision. Focus on it, and focus on what you can do everyday to make yourself ready for when that moment comes. That desired moment coming is inevitable.